Making Room for You: What Happens When You Stop Putting Yourself Last
By TaShara Davis, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor | Founder, Brighter Side Counseling
Last week, I wrote about the mental load. The planning, remembering, worrying, and invisible responsibilities that can leave us exhausted before the day even begins.
This week, I want to talk about the other side of it.
What happens when you start making room for yourself, too?
Not when everybody else is okay. Not when the to-do list is finished. Not after you’ve earned it.
Now.
What Does Making Room for Yourself Look Like?
For me, it’s often simple.
I love walking through bookstores, flipping books over and reading the back covers. I love sitting outside by the creek. I love reading, listening to audiobooks, and watching documentaries about pretty much anything.
None of it has to be productive.
I just like it.
Years ago, when I was teaching, I realized I was constantly doing something for someone else. My students. Other teachers. My family.
Eventually, I had to ask myself:
When do I do something for me?
I didn’t suddenly become great at prioritizing myself, but I started doing it intentionally.
Sometimes that’s where change begins.
Prioritizing Yourself Isn’t Selfish
Making yourself a priority doesn’t mean other people stop mattering.
It means you matter too.
Sometimes that looks like protecting plans you’ve made for yourself. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Sometimes it’s saying no.
And sometimes it’s Fend for Yourself Friday.
That’s a real thing in my house.
On Fridays, I don’t cook. I’ll happily grab something on my way home, but otherwise, there’s food in the refrigerator and freezer. Everybody can figure it out.
I used to feel guilty about it.
Now?
It’s one day. My family will survive.
I’ve learned the same lesson in smaller ways. I used to pick out my daughter’s clothes every day because I wanted the perfectly coordinated outfit.
Then I realized she could do it herself.
Clean? Weather appropriate? You like it?
Cool. Go for it.
One less thing on my mental list, and somehow the world kept turning.
Not Everything Has to Become Your Emergency
Sometimes we keep doing everything because we think we should be able to.
Our mothers did it. Our grandmothers did it. And then we scroll past perfectly organized TikTok moms and Instagram parents and think:
Everybody else can handle this. Why can’t I?
Remember, you’re comparing your real life to somebody else’s highlight reel.
One small boundary I love is:
“Let me think about it and get back to you.”
You don’t have to answer immediately. You don’t have to solve everything immediately.
Someone else’s emergency doesn’t automatically have to become yours.
Give yourself enough space to ask:
Do I actually have the capacity for this?
As a counselor, I’ve seen what can happen when people start doing this. The guilt may come first. Boundaries can feel uncomfortable. Asking for help can feel strange.
But eventually, I see the light come back into their eyes. The smile becomes a little more genuine.
There’s room for joy again.
Keep the Blanket
Last week, I talked about taking off the cape and putting on the blanket.
Maybe the goal isn’t to rest just long enough to put the cape right back on.
Maybe you get up refreshed, recharged, and thinking:
I deserved that. I’m going to do it again.
Because if you don’t do everything, will the world really fall apart?
And if you keep trying to do everything…
will you?
Go to the bookstore. Sit by the creek. Have Fend for Yourself Friday. Say, “Let me get back to you.” Do something completely unproductive simply because you enjoy it.
You don’t have to wait until you’re depleted to make room for yourself.
Making room for me isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.
About Brighter Side Counseling
At Brighter Side Counseling, I provide virtual counseling for adults across Alabama who are navigating anxiety, overwhelm, life transitions, and everything that comes with being human.
Sometimes making room for yourself starts with having a space that’s yours.
Contact Brighter Side Counseling